1000 Oceans
by Dbeltfan1203
Summary: Carlos is all alone in this new world of his. He has no Kendall to guide him. No Logan to help with school. No James to love him. So can he survive and handle it? WARNING! Character death!
1. Chapter 1

**1000 Oceans**

Summary: Carlos is all alone in this new world of his. He has not Kendall to guide him. No Logan to help with math. No James to love him. So can he survive and handle it?

_So no one kill me... but this is a character death fic! It just randomly came to me... and I never write angst... so don't kill me!_

His ipod blared music in his ears. Carlos sniffed back the tears as he walked down a deserted street. His backpack banged against his back. His ipod cradled in his hoodie pocket, along with his phone and wallet.

Carlos reached into his pocket, and pulled out the one thing he kept most sacred.

"James..." He sniffed again as tears fell down onto the picture. He stroked his thumb over the surface. It was of Carlos with his arms around the neck of his closest friend, and significant other, James Diamond. Next to the two was the Latino's other best friends, Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchel. All four had smiles on their faces. It was taken right after their first concert.

"James I miss you so much..." Carlos sniffed, and placed the picture back into his pocket. "I just want things to go back to normal..." He stopped walking, and sat down on a curb.

'But they won't... You know that...' The voice in his head told him.

"I want my friends back... I want to be in James' arms once more..." He whispered to himself.

'But they're gone... Kendall, James, and Logan... all gone.' The voice snickered.

"I should have died with them..."

'Maybe you should've...' the voice yelled.

Carlos glanced up into the night sky, and rain started to pour.

He was alone... Ms. Knight moved back to Minnesota with Katie after the incident. She offered to take Carlos back home with her. But he refused. He was 18. He was an adult. He was capable of taking care of himself. At least he hoped he could.

*Two Days Ago*

"James! I wanna go swimming!" Carlos hopped up and down in his swim trunks. A towel draped over his shoulders. "James! Come on! James... James… Jamie! Jamie! Jay!"

"Okay Carlos. Hold on." James chuckled and emerged from the bathroom in his own swim trunks, and a t-shirt.

"Yay!" Carlos smiled and took James' hand.

"Where you two headed?" Kendall asked, opening his bed room door.

"Really Kendall? We're just wearing our swim trunks for nothing." James rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah... I know... It was a joke." Kendall chuckled.

"Where's Logan?" Carlos asked, still bouncing on his toes.

"He went to the store. He should be back soon." Kendall smiled.

"Well we better head down to the pool before Carlos gets any more antsy." James laughed.

"Finally!" Carlos cheered and pulled on his hockey helmet. "Bye Kendall." He smiled and slapped his helmet a couple times.

"Have fun you goofs." Kendall smiled and went over to the couch.

"Bye." James waved before leaving.

Kendall walked into his and Logan's shared room, and flopped on his bed.

He grabbed his phone off his nightstand.

-Hey Logie, you gonna be home soon?- Kendall texted, and made his way back out to the living room.

He plopped on the couch and grabbed the remote off the coffee table

"Man nothing is on..." Kendall groaned as he flipped through the channels. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket as he flipped to the news channel.

He grabbed it as the newswoman spoke. He looked up from his phone to the TV.

"We are currently outside the famous Palm Woods. We have been told there is an armed man in there, holding the lobbyist hostage." The woman paused, putting her hand up to her earpiece.

Kendall's eyes got wide as he looked down to the text he got from Logan.

-Kendall. Help. There is some guy with a gun here.-

He jumped to his feet as he heard a gunshot from below.

He ran to the door as the woman started to talk again.

"There has been a gun shot from inside. There is still no word who the armed man is." Kendall heard as he ripped the front door open and ran towards the stairs.

As he ran down the stairs another gunshot rang through the lobby.

"NO! Not Bitters!" One of the Jennifer's cried out.

"Shut up you bitch!" The masked man yelled, grabbing her hair and throwing the blonde Jenifer against the wall. "Now whose gonna tell me who they are?" He pointed the gun around the lobby. Causing the brunette Jennifer to scream. "Tell Me! Now!"

The people kept silent. Carlos shrunk back behind the counter hugging James. Logan hid behind a chair, his grocery bags spilled amongst the floor. Ms. Knight and Katie cuddled in the corner. The Jennifer's, Jo, and Camille huddled together about a foot away from Logan.

"Someone better fucking tell me who the members of Big Time Rush are!" The man turned to Katie and Ms. Knight. "You!"

"No! Mom!" Katie cried out as she was yanked from her mother.

"Katie!" She cried out, reaching for her daughter.

"Let me go!" Katie screamed. "Please!"

"You surely know who the guys from Big Time Rush are! You're a teenage girl." The man shook her.

"I... I don't. I don't know who they are!" Katie sobbed.

"Tell me! I know you know who they are!" He screamed, and held the gun to her head.

"No! Not my daughter!" Ms. Knight cried out.

"Katie!" Logan screamed.

Kendall slammed the door open.

"No! Kendall!" Ms. Knight screamed from across the lobby.

"Oh so you're Kendall..." The man dropped Katie to his feet and held the gun up to the blonde.

"Yeah. Who are you to ask?" Kendall spat. "Why don't you just leave?"

"Heh!" He scoffed. "I will. Once the members of Big Time Rush are dead!" He yelled, "Any last words, gay boy?" He asked, holding the gun towards him.

"What the hell did my band ever do to you?" Kendall asked.

"You guys became famous! When all you guys are, is a bunch a fags who need to die. So I ask again, Any last words?"

"Yeah, I love you Logan." Kendall whispered to the brunette.

"Kendall…" Logan gasped. "No! Don't!" The brunette yelled over at Kendall. "Don't leave me!" The masked man rolled his eyes and pulled the trigger. Kendall gasped, grabbed his chest where the bullet hit, and collapsed to the ground. Dead before he hit the ground.

"Kendall!" Logan, James, and Carlos all ran to the blonde.

"Kendall! NO!" Logan sobbed against the blondes' blood soaked t-shirt. "I love you to…"

"So you three are the rest of that faggot band!" The man laughed evil like.

The three stood and turned to face the man. Angry but terrified looks in their eyes.

"Which one was this fag's boyfriend?" He asked.

"I was!" Logan sobbed, stepping forward. "And you killed him you bastard!"

The masked man took aim, and Logan stood proud. "You can't make me die in shame! I'll just join Kendall in heaven!" Logan stated.

"Logan! No!" James gasped as the masked man pulled the trigger, causing the smart brunette to fall next to Kendall.

"Now what about you two?" The man asked.

"I'm in the band as well. But he isn't!" James told him, pointing to Carlos. "Carlos is just a friend! Kill me, and you have the entire band killed." He uttered.

"James..." Carlos gasped and grabbed the pretty boys' hand. "No… don't do this… Please! I can't have you leave me as well…"

"I love you Carlos..." James whispered, kissing the top of the Latinos' head. "You're my life."

"Good!" The man chuckled and shot the gun one last time. James fell, causing his hand to slip from Carlos' grasp, as his body jerked downwards.

Carlos looked in shock at his three dead friends then to the killer.  
"Kill me!" He begged.

"Nah. I just came to kill the Big Time Fags." He shook his head, and ran out the door and right into the line of fire from the police. Carlos gasped as realization set in.

He collapsed to his knees. "James... Kendall... Logan... why!" He sobbed, gripping the blood-covered shirt that James wore. "James!" He cried out. "No!"

"Carlos!" Ms. Knight and Katie both ran over to the sobbing boy. "Carlos let go." Ms. Knight pulled the Latinos' grasp from James.

She held the sobbing boy as cops rushed into the lobby and over to the bodies.

"There are three dead over here!" One cop yelled, running over to Carlos and his dead friends.

"And one over here." A different cop yelled standing over Bitters' dead body.

"We are reporting live from the Palm Woods. There are four confirmed deaths." A reporter ran in carrying a microphone and a man with a camera followed.

"Go away!" Carlos screamed to the two, as he latched back on to James' shirt.

"Three of the victims are the hot new boy band Big Time Rush. James Diamond, Kendall Knight, and Logan Mitchel were found dead. The only living band member is Carlos Garcia." The woman faced the camera.

"Carlos why are you the only one alive?" She shoved the microphone in his face.

"Because James lied and told the man I wasn't in the band... To protect me..." Carlos sobbed.

"Who was the first to die?" She asked.

"Kendall..." He sniffed. "Then Logan... and then... Why the hell is it any of your business?" Carlos lashed out. "Get the fuck away from my friends!" He screamed. Soon a pair of cops kicked out the two.

"Son. You need to let go, so we can take them down the morgue." A cop told him.

"But..." Carlos sobbed as James, Kendall, and Logan were placed in body bags.

*Current time*

Carlos shuddered at the memories, and pulled his hood over his head and walked up to the darkened building that was Rocque Records. He walked up to the door and yanked on the handle. It was unlocked to Carlos' surprise, so he walked in, and out of the rain. He took the stairs up to the 3rd floor where Gustavo's office was. As he rounded the corner, he saw a light streaming from under the closed door. He knocked twice.

"What! Who is it?" Gustavo screamed out.

He opened the door, causing Gustavo and Kelly to both gasp.

"Carlos!" Kelly ran over and pulled him in. "Where have you been?" She asked.

"Oh you still care? Since I'm a nobody again." Carlos sighed, as he dropped his backpack to the floor and pulled his rain soaked hoodie off.

"We care. Ever since Big Time Rush ended because of their deaths, We have been worried on your well being. Where are you living?" Kelly asked.

"Uhm, last night I slept under a bridge, the night before, I was kicked out of the apartment, because I couldn't pay. Ms. Knight and Katie moved back to Minnesota, and took Kendall, James, and Logan, home to be buried."

"Carlos! I can keep paying for you to live at the Palm Woods." Gustavo offered.

"Really?" He looked up.

"Yeah. Oh and here. Ms. Knight dropped this off here before she left..." Kelly pulled his helmet from under Gustavo's desk.

"Thanks..." Carlos took it from her, and slid it on his head, clicking the straps together.

"Carlos. What if you tried a solo career?" Kelly suggested.

"Sing without the guys? I dunno... They can all sing way better that I can..." Carlos shrugged.

"Try?" Kelly begged.

"Okay. I'll try..." Carlos nodded.

"Do it for the guys..." Kelly smiled.

"It'll do it for them. For James, Kendall, and Logan." Carlos smiled for the first time in the past two days.

"Now all we have to do is get you a new apartment at the Palm Woods." Gustavo stood. "Kelly can you go with him and get him a new one? And we'll remodel it to your liking." He told the Latino.

"Thanks Gustavo." Carlos smiled, as he left with Kelly.

"Carlos! You're back!" Camille and Jo both hugged him tightly, as he and Kelly stood at the front desk of the Palm Woods.

"Yeah." Carlos nodded.

"I thought you left." Jo asked. "Why are you back?"

"I'm gonna do a solo album…" Carlos told them.

"That's so cool." Camille smiled. "Kendall, James, and Logan would appreciate that."

"Yeah!" Jo agreed.

"He needs a new apartment." Kelly told the new manager.

"I can do that." The young man nodded. "I'm Mikylo, Mr. Bitters was my uncle."

"Oh okay." Carlos nodded. "I'm Carlos…" He paused as Mikylo gasped.

"You were on the news! You were in that band that got shot."

"Yeah. My best friends…" Carlos sniffed. "So can I have a new apartment?"

"Yes! Of course!" He nodded and handed him a single key. "Room 4E."

"Thanks." Carlos smiled.

"I'll call you tomorrow morning to wake you, and then I'll come pick you up at 10." Kelly told him.

"Nah. I'll drive. I still have the Big Time Rush Mobile." Carlos told her.

"If you want, we can get you a new car…" Kelly offered.

"Nah. I like the memories." Carlos told her.

"Okay Carlos, see you tomorrow." She smiled, and hugged him.

"Bye." He waved and made his way to the elevator.

"Hey Jennifers."

"Carlos!" They all yelled out, and tackled him in a hug.

"How are you?" The curly haired Jennifer asked.

"Fine. I'm gonna start my solo career." Carlos told them.

"By yourself?" Brunette Jennifer asked.

"Yes you retard!" Curly haired Jennifer yelled.

"Good luck Carlos." Blonde Jennifer told him.

"Thanks guys. Well I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to bed."

"Bye." They waved as the elevator closed.

"4E…" He sighed and opened the door. The apartment wasn't too horrible. It just needed new paint… and new carpet… and okay it was awful. "The beginning to my new life…" Carlos sighed, and curled up on the old couch.


	2. Chapter 2

**1000 Oceans**

Summary: Carlos is all alone in this new world of his. He has no Kendall to guide him. No Logan to help with school. No James to love him. So can he survive and handle it?

_So no one kill me... but this is a character death fic! It just randomly came to me... and I never write angst... so don't kill me!_

_I'm really hoping that this chapter gets me more reviews! I hope this story isn't just another story people read then favorite or alert. I want everyone to review!_

"Carlos... Carlos... Wake up..." Carlos moaned and rolled over. He opened an eye to see Kelly crouched down next to the couch. "Time to get up." She smiled.

"Ugh." He groaned and sat up.

"I'll make sure we get new furniture in here today." She told him as she helped him stand from the stiff position on the couch.

"Thanks." He smiled. "Well I'm gonna take a quick shower, then I'll meet you in the lobby." He stated, grabbing his backpack.

"Is that the only clothes you have?" She asked as he pulled out a shirt, shorts, boxers, and a pair of socks.

"Yeah, I had Ms. Knight take it all home for me." Carlos told her as she grabbed the bag and pulled out its contents.

She pulled a fluffy brown teddy bear from the bag, a red and yellow jersey with the number 13 on it, and a jacket. "What's this?" She asked.

"That's Mr. Teddy, Logan's teddy bear that he has had since he was born. The jersey is Kendall's lucky jersey, and the jacket is James'..." He grabbed the items from her. "It's all I have left of them..." He paused as tears started to fall down his cheeks.

"Oh Carlos. Don't cry..." She hugged him.

"I have to be strong..." He sniffed, and whipped his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"No don't be, you just lost your best friends..." She comforted. "Well you shower, I'll wait in the lobby." She told him.

"Okay. He smiled.

Kelly waited till she heard the shower running before she pulled out her phone.

"Gustavo, does Carlos **have **to come in today? I think he just needs to go and have a shopping day, He needs new clothes, and I was thinking while he was gone, you could come here and remodel his new apartment. It's awful in here, and he slept on the stiff old couch." She told her boss.

"Sounds like a plan Kelly. I'll get right on that." Gustavo told her. "What's the room number?"

"4E." She told him.

She grabbed the three mementos, and sat on the battered old couch. She looked over the teddy bear carefully. It was just the standard fuzzy brown bear. It looked like it had a tear in the leg, and had been patched up. She ran a finger along the stitching.

"I tore that when we were 9." Carlos spoke up.

"Oh! That was a quick shower. I didn't even hear the water turn off." She looked back at him. He wore the other set of clothes, his hair was sticking to his forehead, and he had a towel draped over his shoulders. "You tore it?"

"Yeah. And Kendall fixed it." He laughed lightly, and sat next to Kelly. "I didn't mean to, it caught on a branch, and just ripped. Logan cried for an hour. But then stopped when Kendall finished fixing it." He told her.

"Those two were so close..." She sighed, gripping the jersey.

"That jersey was the one Kendall wore when we won the state championships. And he also wore it when he kissed Logan for the first time. He claimed it gave him luck. So I asked Ms. Knight if I could keep it." Carlos smiled. "Lucky 13..."

"So what about James' jacket?" She asked holding up the light grey and blue hoodie.

"I bought that for him... well actually I bought him one identical to that one, back when we were 15. It was his favorite jacket. Eventually he wore it out. It had holes in it, but he refused to throw it out, because I got it for him… And then," Carlos paused to chuckle. "He was so upset when Ms. Knight accidentally made it into a rag. So I bought him a new one... last year... I think it was. We went to the mall, and it was the last one there. The same colors and correct size. Like it was there for me to buy it for him…And I bought it, and as we were going home, it started to rain. And James told me to put it on, so I wouldn't get a cold. And he laughed at me since it was over a size to big. It hung over my hands, and past my waist. He was so much taller than I am. But we still played in the rain for a bit, then..." Carlos paused again, "He kissed me, in the rain. So this hoodie will always mean so much to me."

"That's sweet. I was glad to be able to meet you four boys. And even though three are gone, I'm still glad to be able to be a part of your life." She stood and hugged him. "So I talked to Gustavo, and you and I are going shopping so you can have more clothes."

"Really? I would think Gustavo wanted me to get started right away..." Carlos smiled. "Well let's go!" He sat the hoodie down along with the bear and jersey.

"Okay." She smiled, as they left.

"Yeah. The items that I left on the couch are the items that…" Kelly paused.

"Hey wanna go in here?" Carlos yelled over to her, standing in the doorway of the third store.

"No! You go!" She waved for him to go.

He disappeared into the store.

"Yeah. The bear too." Kelly nodded.

"Carlos… can we be done now? You already have enough clothes to last a life time!" Kelly laughed. They had been at the mall for over 5 hours, and been in over 10 different stores.

"Yeah I'm tired anyway." Carlos smiled. He was carrying at least twenty bags, and Kelly had 5 of his as well.

"I never knew you liked to shop." Kelly told him.

"Yeah. It must sound dumb and girly, but I really love to shop." He smiled.

"Hey! You're Carlos Garcia!" A little girl, probably around 7, ran over. "Can I have your autograph?" She asked, holding out a piece of paper.

"Sure." Carlos sat the bags down and signed the girls' paper.

"I love Big Time Rush! When are you gonna put out more songs?" She asked.

"Oh! Kaylee! Leave the nice boy alone!" A woman ran over, and pulled her daughter away. "I'm so sorry. She doesn't understand what happened." The woman told Carlos. "I'm sorry for your losses."

"Thanks… Oh here." He handed Kaylee the paper.

"Thank you!" She smiled, and left with her mother.

"Little kids are so cute…" Carlos smiled.

"You like kids?" Kelly asked as they made their way to her car.

"Yeah. I want kids… James did to. He said that we could adopt one day… but I guess that dream is gone now…" Carlos sighed. "He promised to marry me… and we would have a life together…" He sniffed.

"Well you could always adopt still." Kelly told him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I know. I just don't know if I'll ever be in love again. I mean… James was my first and only love… It's gonna be hard." Carlos told her as he climbed in the passenger seat.

"I know. But it'll get better." Kelly smiled, and started the car.

"Gustavo? What are you doing here?" Carlos asked as they walked into the Palm Woods lobby, bags in hand.

"I have a surprise." He stated. "This way Carlos." He stated, leading them up the elevator and through the hallway outside Carlos' apartment. "Well go in…"

"Okay?" Carlos shrugged as he went to pull out his key.

"No need... It's open." Gustavo smiled, and opened the door for the Latino.

"Wha!" Carlos gasped and dropped the bags to the floor. He ran in and saw the old dingy apartment that was once a bland white was now a bright red. The furniture was all new, and there was a bunch of new games that the old BTR apartment had once contained. He ran through the room, gaping at the new things. Then ran to the back room, that was suppose to be the bedroom, and saw it was decorated with all his favorite things. One wall in particular caught his attention and made tears flood his vision.

"Oh you guys…" He whispered, to Gustavo and Kelly, bringing a hand to cover his mouth. The far wall had a huge mural of Big Time Rush posters and pictures. In the center of the wall was the three items he held most dear.

"You like it?" Kelly asked.

"I love it… You guys… are the… best…" He said between sobs of happiness. "I love you two." He hugged them both. He looked around the rest of the room. The walls and bedspread were both a deep blue. "This makes me so happy." He smiled. "You didn't have to do this…" He told them.

"So." Gustavo smirked.

"I…" Carlos paused as his phone rang. "Hello?"

"Oh Carlos! How are you? Where are you living?" Ms. Knight asked.

"I'm fine. I'm gonna start a solo album with Gustavo… and I still live at the Palm Woods." He told her.

"A solo? Can you handle that?" She asked.

"Yeah. They would want me to do what I love." He smiled as his eyes wandered back to the wall. "Did you need something?" He asked.

"Yeah… I called to tell you that Kendall, James and Logan's funerals are this Sunday…" She said sadly.

"Oh… I'll be there." He told her. "I'll fly in Thursday night."

"Okay. See you then. Oh and tell Gustavo and Kelly to come please." She said.

"Okay." He nodded then hung up.

"Who was that?" Kelly asked.

"Kendall's mom… the funeral is this Sunday… Can I leave tomorrow night?" He asked Gustavo.

"Yeah of course!" Gustavo told him.

"And she wants you two to go as well. You became like family to the four of us over the years." Carlos told the two.

"Okay." Kelly nodded. "Are you gonna be okay?" She asked.

"Yeah. So are we gonna start recording today?" Carlos switched the subject and turned to his boss.

"Yeah. I have a new song ready to go. I was just waiting for you to be ready." He placed a hang on Carlos' shoulder.

"I'm ready." Carlos smiled.

"Well then let's head over to the studio." Kelly smiled.

"What's the song?" Carlos asked into the microphone, moving the headphones from over his ears.

"It's called 1000 Oceans." Gustavo told him.

"Oh cool." Carlos smiled.

"Just read the lyrics of the page once the song starts." Gustavo told him and hit the play button.

"Empty streets, I follow every breath into the night. The wind so cold, the sun is frozen. The world has lost its light." Carlos glanced down at the paper, and read the first few lines.

"I carry your picture deep in me. Back to you over 1000 seas. Back to us, don't you lose and your trust and your belief. Just trust me!" Carlos sang out, a bit of confidence in his voice. He glanced up, and saw both Gustavo and Kelly give him the thumbs up sign.

"We have to go 1000 oceans wide! 1000 dark years when time has died, 1000 stars are passing by. We have to go 1000 oceans wide. 1000 times against an endless tide. We'll be free to live our life." Carlos glanced back down to the paper.

"I know somewhere we'll find a little place, for you and me. It all turned out a different way. Can't feel the pulse in our veins. So weak today, we'll let our heartbeat guide us through the dark. Just trust me!" He let one hand grip the microphone stand as the beat ran through his body.

"We have to go 1000 oceans wide! 1000 dark years when time has died, 1000 stars are passing by. We have to go 1000 oceans wide! 1000 times against an endless tide. We'll be free to live our life." He smiled to himself.

"There's nothing and no one we'll miss, and one day we'll look back with no regrets! 1000 oceans wide! 1000 endless years have died! 1000 oceans wide! 1000 stars are passing by, passing by. Please don't drift away from me, please don't drift away from me!" He sang out, the lyrics really touching his heart.

"We have to go 1000 oceans wide! 1000 dark years when time has died. 1000 stars are passing by. We have to go 1000 oceans wide! 1000 times against an endless tide. Then we'll be free! Please don't drift away from me, please don't drift away from me… 1000 oceans wide."

"I really like this song!" Carlos stated into the mic once the song was finished.

"I'm glad." Gustavo smiled. "Well this'll be the song that you sing for Griffin, when you have your evaluation."

"I have an evaluation? Why? He already knows I can sing…" Carlos whined.

"Yeah. But he knows that you can in a group. Not solo. So that's why." Kelly told him.

"Dang… I just hope I'm good enough…" Carlos sighed deeply.

"You'll do great!" Kelly hugged him.

"I sure hope so. Can we take a lunch break?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah sure. Meet us back here at 2." Kelly told him.

"Thanks." He walked to Studio A to grab his wallet.

Opening the door, he saw the four microphone stands, set up for him and his friends. Sadness flooded over him.

"Kendall..." He ran a hand over the blondes' favorite guitar. He gripped the neck, and pulled it into his arms. Sliding the strap over his head, he placed his fingers on the strings. Kendall had taught him a bit. But Carlos was to hyper to ever learn much more than a few chords.

He placed his fingers on three strings and strummed, filling the room with sound. He walked to one of the microphones, taking a deep breath and strumming the chords out.

"Have you seen Carlos? He's ten minutes late." Kelly asked Gustavo.

"No. Let's find him." They started to look around Rouque Records for the Latino.

"Hey... listen..." Kelly paused and heard faint music.

"Studio A..." Gustavo pointed and they both ran to the door.

There Carlos was, playing the guitar, and singing a song neither Kelly nor Gustavo had heard before.

"In your shadow I can shine... In your shadow I can shine... shine..." Carlos started.

"Carlos?" Kelly opened the door, causing the Latino to stop.

"I'm sorry. Crap I'm late... Sorry... I got distracted." Carlos sat the guitar down.

"No, what was that song?" Gustavo asked.

"It's called 'In Your Shadow'. I wrote it..." Carlos told the two.

"Sing it for us?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah sure. Okay." Carlos nodded, and picked up the guitar again, leaning his face close to the microphone.

"I hate my life. I can't sit still for one more single day, I've been here waiting, for something to live and die for. Let's run and hide. Out of touch… Out of time… Just get lost without a sign. As long as you stand by my side, in your shadow I can shine... In your shadow I can shine... In your shadow I can shine... shine..." He glanced up at the two listeners, then back down at the floor in front of him.

"You see my soul, I'm a nightmare, out of control I'm crashin' into the dark, Into the gloom, into the world, of our cocoon. You're the sun and I am the moon. In your shadow I can shine! In your shadow I can shine! In your shadow I can shine! Shine!"

He looked up, and had tears falling down his cheeks "Don't let go! Oh, no oh. Don't you know, In your shadow I can shine! In your shadow I can shine! In your shadow I can shine! Shine, shine, shine! In your shadow I can shine! In your shadow I can shine! In your shadow I can shine! Shine, shine, shine! In your shadow I can shine..." He finished, breathing heavily and wiped the tears from his face. He looked over to Gustavo and Kelly.

"Carlos that was amazing!" Kelly stood and clapped. "It was so emotional. How did you write that?"

"It's how I feel. That I always was good, because I had James' shadow to be in… If that makes any sense… But I feel like I'll be a bad singer… because they aren't here to help…" Carlos sniffed.

"You'll do perfect, because they aren't here." Gustavo stated. "You don't need them here to be amazing!"

"Thanks Gustavo." Carlos smiled.

"Well I think we have the song for you to sing for Griffin." Gustavo smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

**1000 Oceans**

Summary: Carlos is all alone in this new world of his. He has no Kendall to guide him. No Logan to help with school. No James to love him. So can he survive and handle it?

So no one kill me... but this is a character death fic! It just randomly came to me... and I never write angst... so don't kill me!

"What do you have for me Gustavo?" Griffin asked, sitting in his overly plush chair.

"Carlos Garcia." Gustavo told him.

"From BTR?" Griffin asked.

"Yes, He just lost the other members… and he wants to continue in the music business."

"I'll do an evaluation by this Saturday."

"Yes sir." Gustavo nodded.

"What did he say?" Carlos asked through the phone up to Kelly's ear.

"He'll be here by this Saturday." Kelly told him, ease dropping from outside the office.

"Okay. Well my plane is about to take off so I'll talk to you later." Carlos sighed.

"We'll be down tomorrow morning. Love you Carlos."

"Love you to Kelly." Carlos hung up his cell, and slumped down into his plane seat and leaned against the window.

"Is this seat taken?" A man's voice asked.

"No." Carlos looked up. "Mikylo?"

"Oh hey Carlos. You headed to Minnesota to?" He asked as he shoved his carry-on in the bin above and plopped onto the isle seat.

"Y… yeah. I have to go to a funeral." Carlos sniffed.

"Oh man that sucks… I'm so sorry." Mikylo gave him an awkward side hug. "For your band mates?"

"Yeah. Why you going to Minnesota?" Carlos asked.

"I have to go see my mom in the hospital."

"Oh is she sick?" Carlos gasped.

"Oh no, she just had my baby brother." He chuckled.

"Oh. That's so cool! Congrats!" Carlos smiled.

"It's gonna be a long plane ride…" Mikylo sighed and leaned his head back as the plane rode down the runway. "I hate to fly…"

"I don't… I always slept or… played games with the guys…" Carlos paused as the plane lurched up into the air. "I hate being all alone…" He stopped as tears fell.

"Hey now… don't cry… you aren't alone, you have your manager, that one woman, your parents… and you have me. I'm your friend." Mikylo smiled.

"Really? Thanks!" Carlos smiled and hugged the other tightly.

"You know I've never really seen you smile before." Mikylo tilted his head to the side a smiled lightly. Carlos opened his mouth to say something but stopped.

"I feel better… you really are a good friend." Carlos smiled. "Ever since James, Kendall, and Logan got shot… I've been so distant and excluded from everything. You make me feel apart of something…" Carlos sighed. "Thanks Mikylo." Carlos yawned, leaned his head against the window, and closed his eyes.

Carlos opened his eyes and he lifted his head for a second.

"Hey sleepy head." Mikylo laughed.

"Oh gosh… are we almost there?" Carlos sat upright and rubbed his eyes. "Oh man I'm sorry I fell asleep on you…"

"It's fine. I did to." He smiled. "And yeah we are landing in about ten minutes."

"Oh cool. So uhm… sorry again…" Carlos shrugged as an awkward silence passed between them.

'Were are now landed in Minneapolis.' The pilot said over the intercom.

"Well… I'll see you once I get back…" Mikylo reached into the overhead bin and grabbed both his and Carlos' bags.

"Thanks… and yeah. I have to be back by Saturday so I'll see you whenever you get back." Carlos told him as they walked through the terminal.

"Well I have to go, my dad's here." Mikylo smiled, hugged Carlos, then ran off.

Carlos turned on his heels and headed to the door.

"Carlos!" A familiar girl ran out the door and hugged him as he stepped out of his cab.

"Katie. How are you?" He asked her.

"I missed you! I've been okay… mom's a lot worse off though. She won't stop crying, and she has had to plan this funeral with no help from dad. He won't answer her calls…" The young girl sniffed back tears.

"Shh… it's okay… I'm here." He hushed her. They walked into the house together.

"Mom! Carlos is here!" Katie yelled.

"What?" Ms. Knight ran through the kitchen and up to the Latino. "Carlos… how are you?"

"Momma Knight… not good…" He paused before sobbing and collapsing in her arms. "I miss them! I miss Kendall… and Logan… and James! I wish that they were still here." He sobbed, his shoulders shaking violently.

"I know baby… I miss them to… it'll be okay… shh…" Ms. Knight tried to calm the sobbing 18 year old, whilst crying herself. Soon the three of them were in a big huddle, all crying and holding onto each other.

"I'm gonna go take a nap…" Carlos stated once everyone stopped crying. "Wake me in an hour?"

"Of course baby." Ms. Knight smiled at him. He trudged up the steps to the guest bedroom, passing Kendall's old room on the way.

"Kendall…" He sighed and took in the sight of it all. It was empty except for a bed frame and some boxes. He sat on the bed and slipped off his shoes and jacket, before slipping under the covers and into a deep sleep.

"_Carlos! Hey!" Carlos turned around to see James waving to him._

"_Jay! James!" He ran to his boyfriend._

"_I missed you… I had this awful dream that you had gotten shot… along with Kendall and Logan! And you left me all alone." Carlos told James._

"_It isn't a dream… I'm sorry I left you all alone… I couldn't bear to see him take your life." James confessed._

"_But I'm all alone! I miss you! And Kendall! And Logan! I want my old life back!" Carlos sobbed into James' chest. "I want to be with you…" _

"_I'm sorry Carlos… but you have to move on… You have to forget about me…" James told him._

"_I won't! Never!" Carlos yelled._

"_Carlos… Carlos…" Carlos looked around for who was calling his name, then at James. _

"Hey Carlos… Wake up…" He opened his eyes to see Katie standing over him.

"Katie…" He yawned.

"Dinner." She told him.

"Thanks…" He sighed and sat up. She left the room and he thought back to his dream. Was it just his imagination… or was James really telling him that?

"Today we are here to lay to rest Kendall Francis Knight, Logan Phillip Mitchel, and James David Diamond. Three boys that were killed to young." The preacher started. Carlos sat in the front row, with Katie and Ms. Knight on one side, Kelly and Gustavo on the other.

"Carlos Garcia has requested that he talk about his friends first." The priest stepped down as Carlos walked up the isle of chair to the podium. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and cleared his throat.

"Hello. Kendall, Logan, and James all got killed for one reason, a reason not all of you know of. They died for being homosexual. They died with dignity and strength. Kendall and Logan… now they had a relationship to be jealous of." Carlos chuckled. "They never fought or disagreed. They were perfect for each other. They loved each other so much!" He paused to swallow the tears that were building up in his throat. "James. He was my life… and he died for me. He died to keep me alive. I love him more than anything in the world. I miss him so much… and I have decided to keep the music dream we all had alive by going solo… but today isn't about me. It's about my three best friends. I met James first, back when I was 3 and he was 2. He was my best friend. Then I met Kendall when we were I was 6 and both James and Kendall were 5. We did everything together. Then we met Logan three years later. We were the closest of friends. And I wouldn't want anything different. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't been the only one to live… but then I remember what James did, and how Kendall always told me to pursue my goals and dreams. So I'll live for my three best friends. I'll live on for them, and keep their spirits alive through my music." Carlos paused to wipe the tears from his face. "Thank you." He smiled and looked over to the three caskets.

Soon it was time to place the three in the ground. Carlos watched through tears as Kendall and Logan was placed in the ground. He hugged Katie tightly as she watched her only brother was lowered.

"I love you James." Carlos whispered as James was placed in the ground next to Kendall and Logan.

As the services ended and people started to leave, Carlos made his way to the front of the three head stones.

"This is my someday…" He whispered before turning and walking towards Ms. Knights car.

_No worries… this isn't the last chapter! :D_


	4. Chapter 4

******1000 Oceans**

Summary: Carlos is all alone in this new world of his. He has no Kendall to guide him. No Logan to help with school. No James to love him. So can he survive and handle it?

_So no one kill me... but this is a character death fic! It just randomly came to me... and I never write angst... so don't kill me! **Last chapter!** Lots of time jumping in this chapter! :D you all love me though!_

"So are you ready?" Mikylo asked, walking into Carlos' dressing room.

"It's hard to know that I'm gonna be singing to people… who used to be BTR fans…" Carlos sighed as he adjusted his tie.

"You'll sing great. They are fans for you! Not just BTR." Mikylo smiled.

"Help me?" Carlos sighed in defeat as the tie refused to fix.

Mikylo laughed and helped the stressed Latino with his tie.

"Mikylo… you're great." Carlos smiled.

"Carlos… I…" Mikylo was stopped by Gustavo.

"Carlos… time to go on."

"Okay." Carlos stood to leave then turned to face Mikylo. "I'll be back soon." He smiled, kissed him softly on the cheek and left.

Right as Carlos was about to climb the 4 steps up to the stage, he stopped and lowered his head.

"James, Logan, and Kendall. Watch over me and cheer for me. Please." Carlos took a deep breath and ran up the stairs and on stage to do what he loved best.

"You did amazingly!" Kelly smiled and hugged Carlos tightly as he ran of stage, covered in sweat.

"Really?" Carlos asked.

"Hey. I loved it!" Mikylo smiled and hugged Carlos as well.

"Good job dog." Gustavo slapped him on the back.

"Hey Carlos… come with me for a sec?" Mikylo asked.

"Yeah. Be right back." Carlos told Kelly and Gustavo. "So what's up?"

"Carlos, I…" Mikylo stopped as Carlos stood on his tip toes to connect his lips to Mikylo's.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Los… you think it's best to bring me along?" Mikylo asked the Latino.

"Yeah. I want the guys to meet you." Carlos stopped by three head stones. "Hey guys. This is Mikylo… my new boyfriend. Do you approve?" Carlos asked, standing in front of James' grave. Carlos tilted his head to the sky as the wind blew his shoulder length hair. His eyes shot open as the smell of cinnamon cuda man spray blew past him. He looked around but saw only Mikylo.

"Something wrong?"

"No… But I think James just gave me an approval." He smiled and wiped a tear away.

"Well I'm glad he did. Because I love you so much Los." Mikylo smiled and pulled Carlos close.

"Love you to." Carlos smiled and kissed Mikylo.

"Ready to go?" Mikylo asked.

"Yeah I'll meet you in the car." Carlos told him.

"Kay." He turned and walked away to leave Carlos alone.

"Hey, guys. I miss you. My singing career has taken off. I've gone on 2 tours! It would've been better with you with me." He paused. "James… thanks for accepting Mikylo. He makes me really happy. I'll always still love you Jamie…" Carlos stood and brushed the dirt from his knees.

He turned and came face to face with James.

"Jay?" Carlos stood in shock.

He just stood there smiling and nodding. Carlos closed his eyes and opened them again. And James was gone. He closed his eyes again, hoping to open them and see James again, but instead he swore he could hear James' voice whisper to him,

"Nice hair…"

Carlos' eyes shot open and he looked all around. He was certainly alone. He smiled to himself and ran back to the car.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Night Carlos."

"Night Mikylo." Carlos kissed his boyfriend of 3 years.

Carlos opened the door to his apartment and got tackled.

"Carlos!" A familiar brunette girl hugged him.

"Katie!" Carlos stood. "How are you? What are you doing here?" He looked the now adult up and down. She wasn't that awkward little 11-year-old anymore. She was beautiful.

"Remember? You told me I could move in once I was 17."

"Oh yeah. Well welcome home Katie." Carlos smiled.

"So how's life been?" Katie asked.

"Really good. I…" Carlos paused as a knock at the door then said door slammed open.

"Carlos I need…" Mikylo paused, "Oh you have company… my bad…" He blushed a deep red.

"Katie… This is my boyfriend Mikylo. Mikylo this is Kendall's little sister Katie." Carlos laughed.

"Nice to meet you. Well Carlos… I'll just see you in the morning then." He stumbled out the door.

"Sorry about that." Carlos laughed.

"It's fine. So you moved on? That's good." Katie made her way to the spare bedroom.

"Well I have to leave at 9 so I guess either stay home or do what you like. I'll have Mikylo make you a spare key tomorrow and you can tag along if you want." Carlos told her.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Carlos Garcia… I love you… and I want to be together forever… Marry me?" Mikylo knelt down on one knee in the middle of their favorite restaurant.

"Yes!" Carlos smiled and kissed the boy he had been dating for 4 years.

People through the restaurant clapped and he slid the ring on Carlos' finger.

"I love you Los."

"Love you to Mikylo." Carlos smiled.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Where are we going?" A 5-year-old asked from a brunette's shoulders.

"To visit papi's friends." The brunette smiled.

"Oh." The boy shrugged. "Again?"

"Yes."

"Can I get down?" He asked.

"Sure Jayson." The brunette nodded and sat him on his feet.

"Papi! Wait for me!" He took off running towards the Latino a few yards ahead, his long hair flowing behind him.

"Daddy, why is brother so silly?" A young blonde girl a bit older asked.

"Because he just is. But you love your brother. Don't you Kaylee?"

"Yeah I love Jayson." The little blonde smiled.

"Okay. Hurry up Jayson." Carlos turned and held out a hand to Jayson, while still carrying a sleeping two-year-old.

"Papi. Who are going to go see?" He asked.

"My best friends. James, Kendall, and Logan."

"Stop asking a million questions Jayson." Mikylo scolded.

"But daddy…" Jayson stopped as Carlos knelt to the ground.

"Hi guys. This is Levi. My new son." Carlos smiled down at the sleeping boy then up to Jayson, Kaylee and Mikylo.

"Papi who are you talking to?" Jayson asked from Mikylo's side.

"Hush." Mikylo shushed the boy.

"I hope you all like them." Carlos smiled and stood up and joined the others.

Carlos waited till he felt the breeze he always felt and the cinnamon smell no one else seemed to smell.

"I'm glad you like him." Carlos whispered.

"Papi?" Kaylee piped up as they headed away from the graves.

"Yes?" He looked down at his only daughter.

"Why do you bring us down here every year? I mean last year you brought Jayson down here and two years before that was me. And you brought us down here for Levi. I'm just confused."

"Well Kaylee. I bring each of you down here to show you to my friends. To show them how things are going for me." Carlos paused and knelt down in front of his daughter. "I lost my three best friends years ago. And I had to learn to love again, that's how I found your daddy. And I want to show them I can handle being on my own." Carlos explained.

"That makes sense. Thank you papi." Kaylee smiled and ran after her hyper brother. Carlos sat the now awake two-year-old onto his feet.

"Los, you okay?" Mikylo asked as Carlos stood and watched his 8 and 5 year old run around and play with the 2 year old trailing along.

"I'm fine. Now that our family is complete." Carlos smiled.

"I'm glad that it is too. Levi is just what Kaylee and Jayson need." Mikylo took Carlos' face in his hands. "I love you Los."

"I love you to Mikylo." Carlos smiled and leaned in to kiss his husband.


End file.
